blame

It on the 3 cups of coffee and 1 cup of tea I had earlier today that my brain's fried, my body's tired, but the mind refuses to let me rest.

And hence the copious amount of bedtop musings today.


Was juz replaying many many things in my head. Haha. Some things have supposedly been 'settled' while some are new realisations (not very pleasant feeling ones, haha.)
But as things replay in my head, I see the implications of certain stuff, I feel the effect of certain stuff, I can foresee what some stuff might bring. Haha. Oh gawd, brain, can you try not to kill me or sthn? Sigh.


And then I get reminded of things that have caused me much hurt. Haha. Its not that they've not been settled. They have. But the wound is still there. It will always be there, won't it? Things won't be the same again, will they? We can del with things and come to term with things, but hurt? We can't forget. Yes, we can forgive, we can be ok already. But that scar remains. That feeling of first blood drawn will always be there, somewhere in ur conscious. Because your mind remembers pain.

Yes, my mind remembers pain all too well. Its not that I don't want to move on. I have. :) just that the pain, the hurt sticks. Well, i'll really give everything and anything to not feel it anymore. Really.




And I wonder how true this is: that you won't miss your water until your well runs dry. Must things get to that stage, before one actually appreciates someone? Before one realises what one should have and should not have done, before one fully realises the damage that has been done? Hmmmm. I wonder...



Brain, PLEASE LET ME SLP! I have to wake up at omg530am tmr! And its 130am now :((((